


Better

by mingtothehao



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Bruises, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Half of the members are only mentioned, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Drunk Driving, Minor Character Death, New Beginnings, Nightmares, Side Effects, Slow Burn, Teasing, Unhealthy Relationships, past accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27474658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mingtothehao/pseuds/mingtothehao
Summary: "San? What's wrong?" He tried again."…Help me. " The younger pleaded, voice breaking.-Or, in which Seonghwa and San end up being exactly what the other needed.
Relationships: Choi San/Original Male Character(s), Choi San/Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 52





	Better

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome.
> 
> Before reading, PLEASE, read the tags carefully!! It contains a lot of triggering themes!!
> 
> I originally published this story on wattpad back in April but I decided to post it here as well. Also, there are a lot of missing capital letters for some reason so, sorry about that.
> 
> Please enjoy!

The sound of a powerful engine roared as it came to a stop in front of a small appartement complex. The jet-black Harley-Davidson was a pure beauty and the male riding it was actually quite proud of it. He had saved up a good amount of money so that he could buy it himself. The said male took his helmet off, ruffling his raven hair as he looked at the brick-filled facade in front of him. The building wasn't too high- about four floors- and Seonghwa had been lucky enough to find an appartement at the last floor. He got off of his bike, grabbing his keys in one hand and his helmet in the other before heading towards the front door. He pulled it open, climbing up the stairs two-by-two until he reached the last floor. There were three doors there, one giving access to the staircase, while the two others were on separate sides of the hallway. Two flats on each floor- which meant that only a small amount of people lived there. This was good, it meant that the place was hopefully relatively calm.

"Mister park!" A voice called.

The said male turned his head to the side, spotting a middle-aged-looking man. Seonghwa knew exactly who he was- Mister Lim- the owner of the complex.

"It's good to finally meet you in person."

Mister Lim chuckled as he walked his way, getting ready to extent his hand. The younger took his open hand, sparing him a small smile but staying silent. The landlord guided him towards one of the doors, the plate indicating number seven. He took out a key, unlocking and opening the door instantly. They both made their way inside, revealing the still-empty appartement. The raven-haired male was early, the truck that held his belongings was set to arrive later that afternoon. He had insisted on wanting to come take a look earlier. The place wasn't fairly big or small, it was just the right size. It contained a single room, a bathroom, a kitchen as well as a central living space. There were a lot of windows which gave way for a good amount of sunlight. The walls were all white and lifeless, ready to be redecorated to the new owner's taste.

"Well, welcome to your new home," he smiled.

"Thank you." Seonghwa replied, advancing as he got ready to explore each room on his own. "I'll leave the key on the door, if you need anything my appartement is on ground level. "

Mister Lim quickly explained that, apparently understanding that the male wanted to be alone in his new flat. Just as said, the older male left, closing the door behind him. Seonghwa exhaled deeply once he was finally alone. He settled down on the wooden floor, moving backwards until he was fully laying down. His helmet was dropped by his side, along with his keys. He blinked a few times, staring at the bright white ceiling above him.

_Home._

Seonghwa hadn't felt at home for a while. And he's not sure if he could ever feel comfortable enough to call someplace his own home. The simple word brought back too many memories. A series of giggles, whispered promises and the reassuring smell of caramel filled his senses. The memories were hitting him again. As much as he had tried to escape them, he couldn't escape him. He quickly sat up, trying to chase those heartbreaking moments away. He didn't want to remember, that's why he was here in the first place. He didn't want to remember what had occurred, he wanted to move on and to start over. He stood up again, grabbing his belongings and heading back outside. He made sure to lock his door before climbing down the stairs in search of Mister Lim again. One of the only things that cleared his mind was alcohol. He wasn't proud of it at all and he tried his best to not give in to the temptation too often. He wasn't dependent on liquor; he wasn't an alcoholic. But there were times when he just needed to clear his head.

Seonghwa found the landlord on the first floor, he was standing in front of an open door which the biker assumed was his own appartement. Mister Lim was talking to someone, probably one of his new neighbors. But he didn't pay much attention to them, his mind too focused on other things. Luckily, the elder man noticed him and turned his way.

"Is there anything you need? " He politely asked.

"I was wondering if there was a bar near here?" The raven-haired male questioned.

"Already want to celebrate your arrival?" The male chuckled, grinning.

"You could say that." Seonghwa nodded.

"Well then, there's one on your left when you exit the building, at the end of the road." He explained.

The male thanked him before walking out of the said building. He placed his helmet in the container of his bike, deciding to walk to the bar instead of driving. Then, he made his way to it. He took some time to look around, spotting a market and a bakery not too far from his appartement. He made a mental note to drop by those places once his furniture and his fridge would be in place. There were a few people outside, taking walks or going shopping. All of them seemed calm, the naturally collected atmosphere was enjoyable and relaxing. As he got closer to the bar, Seonghwa also took note of the presence of a Chinese take-out place.

The bar was named utopia. It wasn't too big and it seemed that the biker was one of the few clients that afternoon. The walls were painted a light color and covered with posters of all kinds. The lights were dim and the few windows made the place relatively bright and comfortable. There were a few tables in the center of the place, an actual bar with high seats and even a small stage in the corner. There was music in the background although it was muffled for the mid-afternoon. The male made his way towards the high seats, climbing on one of the stools and grabbing a menu that was laying there. The place also served meals during lunch and dinner- there were a few pictures and all of the courses seemed absolutely delicious. He would have to try them out to make sure that the food itself was just as alluring as the printed images were.

"Welcome to utopia, what can I get you?"

The sudden voice made Seonghwa lift his head up. A young-looking male had appeared behind the bar, a towel in hand as he stared at the client. He was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and some casual jeans which hugged his frame perfectly. He had fluffy blond hair and tender-looking eyes as well. The bartender was slim and seemed fit. There was also a chain dangling from his jeans and a cigarette pack tugged in the pocket he could see.

"Sorry? " The biker asked, lost in his thoughts.

"Did you want to order something? " The pretty male questioned, his voice gentle and calm.

"Alcohol. " Seonghwa simply replied.

The bartender chuckled slightly- no- he giggled.

"Could you be a bit more precise? " He tried.

"Just- anything is fine…Surprise me." The customer suggested, still too shaken- by the other's adorable giggle and cute features- to make a decision.

The blond male nodded, turning around to grab a cocktail glass before setting it on his working counter. Seonghwa watched him work as he grabbed a bottle of alcohol as well as others filled with colorful juices. His movements were calm and he seemed at ease with what he was doing. It seemed that he had been mixing drinks for a while, judging by his laid-back expression. The raven-haired male couldn't stop himself from staring at the way his hands moved. And apparently, the other noticed, a small smile lingering on his lips.

"Are you new in town?" The bartender asked.

"Do I look new?" The biker teased.

"Yeah," the male smiled "And I know everyone who comes here, I’ve never seen you…" He trailed off.

"I just moved in today." The other admitted.

"Oh! Then welcome to this shitty town," The blond spoke with a hint of sarcasm.

"It doesn't look shitty." Seonghwa disagreed.

"Trust me, it is." He frowned before smiling again.

"The only good thing about it is that it's not too far from Seoul and that life isn't too expensive." The male spoke as he grabbed a shaker to mix it.

"Have you lived here long?" The ravenette tried.

"My whole life," he hummed before mumbling as he shook the content of the metallic object, preparing to pour it into the glass.

"I'm Seonghwa."

"I'm—"

"San!" A voice cut him off, startling the biker.

Another male suddenly made his way out from the kitchen, eyeing the bartender before glaring at Seonghwa. He walked until he was positioned right behind San, in an almost dominant way. The raven-haired male noticed that he was taller than the other. By his overall attitude, it seemed like he owned the place, which was probably the case. The blond ignored him for a whole minute, finishing the biker's drink and even adding a small umbrella in the glass. Once he was done, he stared back at the taller male, waiting for him to speak.

"The dishes need to be done." He simply said.

San merely nodded, hesitantly glancing back at his customer before leaving and disappearing into the kitchen. The owner of the bar followed him with his eyes until he was nowhere to be seen. Then, he turned back to Seonghwa, sending him an almost forced smile. The drink that San had made was placed in front of him- it was a fruity cocktail- colors such as orange and red were visible.

"That will be 7. 300 won."

[About 6 dollars if google is correct]

After drinking his cocktail, Seonghwa took his leave. Once he reached his appartement again, the truck which held his belongings was already waiting for him. They had started to unload everything with mister lim. Soon, the raven-haired male got to work as well. He helped the workers empty their truck as he told them where he wanted each piece to go. And after a few hours, his appartement was finally full and in order. It looked nice, simple and sober, just as Seonghwa liked it. He was about to lay down on his bed when his stomach suddenly rumbled. He decided that Chinese food would be perfect for tonight so he made his way back to the restaurant.

He waited outside while his meal was being prepared, from his position, he had a full view on the bar. The music was louder than earlier and there were more people inside and outside of the bar- laughter could be heard too. But among those lively conversations, the biker spotted someone at the back of the bar. He recognized san, the bartender from earlier. He was leaning against the brick wall, a cigarette in hand. The door that was next to him was pulled open and the owner of the place walked out. Seonghwa couldn't entirely see their facial expressions but it seemed as if they weren't sharing a pleasant conversation. The taller male placed an arm above san's head, towering over him. He placed a hand on the shorter's jaw, but the bartender pushed him away, looking annoyed. That caught the biker's attention and he couldn't push himself to look away. A few words were exchanged between them and, all of a sudden, the taller lifted his hand up, as if preparing himself to hit the younger. But before it could happen, san grabbed his arm, pulling him closer as he threw his cigarette to the ground. The male grabbed the shorter's jaw again, connecting their lips in what looked like a rough and forced kiss.

The owner of the Chinese takeout place called Seonghwa, urging him to come grab his food. The male tore his eyes from the two men behind the bar. He thanked the chef, grabbing the bag that contained his meal before walking out again. When he dared to glance back in the direction of the bar, the couple were gone. The raven-haired male took it as a sign to go home. And that's exactly what he did, the strange interaction still lingering in his mind.

-

When San managed to open his heavy eyelids, the pain hit him like never before. Everything hurt. It all stung and made his body ache. He managed to tilt his head to the side, sighing in relief upon seeing that his lover had already left for work. He didn't want to see him after what had happened last night. If he could he would never want to see him again. The blond stared up at the ceiling, his mind played a clip of the adoring and loving moments he had spent with his boyfriend over a year ago. They were both young and so in love when they decided to date. He had first met dean in college, when he was barely eighteen years old. The green-eyed male was Korean American, he had just moved back to South Korea to start a new life- without his parents. He was twenty years old, independent, financially stable and so endearing and gentle. San followed him wherever he went, ditching classes and being a little rebellious for the first time in his life. He had never behaved that way before; he was a straight-a student, a loving son and a social butterfly. As opposed to him, dean was just so different and maybe that was the reason why san was attracted to him in the first place.

After a couple months of dating, the ebony-haired male convinced a love-blind and innocent san to quit college, saying that it was simply a waste of time and money. The blond believed him and followed his advice. His parents decided to move closer to the sea and asked San if he wanted to come along. But the male told them that he needed more freedom and that he could simply move in with dean. Although they were hesitant at first, they decided to let the young adult live his life as he wanted. And so, time went on. Their first few months living together were full of new and fun experiences. The male had been the younger's first everything. But when san turned nineteen, things started to change. Dean got a bit distant, kissed him and touched him less. He spent more time outside too, making the blond worry and cry when he wouldn't show up until the next morning. San suspected that he was seeing someone else but never dared to ask the older, not wanting to lose him. So, he put up with his behavior for months.

One day, Dean came back home in the middle of the night. That night, the older had been drunk and high on an unknown drug. He had hit San for the first time that night. And as soon as it happened, the green-eyed male had started sobbing, hugging the younger and whispering comforting words. He had kissed him breathless, apologizing countless of times until san had stopped sniffling and shaking.

Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the only time.

The Korean American started to spend more time with his lover, so much that it became suffocating. But he had tried to be closer to him and san- being so sweet and understanding- couldn't push him away. And so, he had tried the same. When dean wanted to drink a bit, to let loose with the other, san did as told, not thinking about the possible consequences. He had even given him a stable job in the bar that he owned down the street. But he became more demanding, touching san as soon as he could, grabbing his wrist before he left the house and asking him where he was going. He became possessive and the younger just couldn't breathe anymore. He couldn't take it anymore. So, he let it all out, he screamed and yelled about how tired he was of the older's behavior. But the other replied just as harshly as he had spoken, hitting him for the second time. The blond had tried to leave but dean wouldn't let him, so he hit him again, backing him against the nearest wall. He grabbed his wrists, making san look at him as he told him that he couldn't leave him, that he wouldn't survive without him. And then he told him that he loved him, oh so deeply and that he couldn't live without him either, that they both needed one another.

With time, san understood. He was stuck in a toxic relationship. Scared, no- terrified by what dean could do if he dared to leave him. So, he stayed. But they fought constantly, fists and insults flying through the air each time. New bruises formed over his skin almost daily. Their relationship was based on an illusion of love. It was purely centered around lust and want, nothing else.

Thinking back, San wished that he hadn't stayed from the beginning. He wished that he had left this shitty town and joined his parents near the sea.

He got up, wincing in pain as he stumbled towards the bathroom. He sighed when he saw the fresh bruise around his eye. The purplish-blackish mark would be hard to cover up. So today, he decided to ditch his makeup. The action would either make dean realize that he had been harsh or would be considered as provocative- in that case, he would only get hit again. San hoped that maybe someone would notice. But it wouldn't change anything even if they did. Nobody cared in this shitty town- well- no one except Wooyoung. The male who had quickly become his closest friend, had tried to denounce dean plenty of times before but the police barely cared. The lilac-haired male had made it his mission to find a way to get the violent male arrested. And as much as san wanted that to happen, he begged his friend to stay out of it as well. He didn't want the other to be hurt because of him.

After getting dressed, he made his way to the bar. Dean had texted him saying that he needed to go grocery shopping which meant that san would be in charge while he was gone. It also meant that he wouldn't have to face him just yet. To his surprise, the newcomer who had only arrived yesterday, was sitting at a table. He had a book in hand and a tall, half-empty glass of soda in front of him. San took a few seconds to really look at him since they had only managed to talk a few minutes the day before. He seemed immersed in what he was doing, multiple emotions painting themselves on his face as he read more of his book. The bartender smiled to himself, grabbing a menu as he made his way towards the biker. As if sensing his presence, Seonghwa tilted his head up just as san reached the table. He placed his book down, focusing entirely on the blond- the sudden attention almost made the younger's cheeks turn a hint of pink.

"Hey, you're already back? " He greeted him.

"Well, I wanted to see if the food was as good as the cocktail you made yesterday. " The other smiled.

“You liked it? " San beamed.

"Yeah, what was it?"

"My secret recipe, the boss won't let me put it on the menu. " The blond sighed, slightly annoyed.

"He doesn't seem too nice," the older frowned.

The other disagreed "He gave me this job."

_"Did he also give you that black eye?"_

That was what Seonghwa wanted to ask him. But he knew that it would be inappropriate, especially since he had no proof other than seeing their exchange of the past night. Thus, he decided to keep what he saw for himself, for now- the seemingly useless information might be useful in the future.

"What happened to you?"

"Oh, nothing special," he started "I tripped and just hit myself in the process. " He lied.

The biker hummed "You should be more careful."

"I will, don't worry." San assured him.

"You seem fun to hang out with, San. "

"You don't seem so bad yourself. " He smirked.

Slowly, time went on.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. The biker hadn't stopped hanging out with san. In fact, they had grown quite attached to one another. The bartender had even introduced him to Wooyoung, who had not-so-subtly glared at him as if saying _why have I not met him earlier?_

Luckily, the trio got along well and san found another friend in the older male. Apparently, Wooyoung worked in a town that wasn't too far away from this one- hence why he wasn't always around. The lilac-haired male was fun to be around, always brightening the mood with his jokes and his laugh. Seonghwa even started to wonder if he and san had something going on. But that idea quickly disappeared when the other male started talking about his boyfriend- a male named Yeosang who apparently looked like an angel. Each time Wooyoung spoke about his own life, the biker noticed how san would tense the slightest or how his smile would drop for a split second. The raven-haired male also noticed that bruises seemed to constantly appear and disappear over his skin. And so, one day, after san had been called to finish washing the dirty dishes in the kitchen, Seonghwa had taken some time to talk about it with Wooyoung while they smoked outside.

"Can I ask you something?" He tried.

"Is it about the new bruise on his jaw?"

The other had asked instantly yet, carefully, eyeing the biker with cautious and saddened eyes. Without needing words, the lilac-haired male nodded the slightest, a silent reply to the question which Seonghwa had been dreading to ask for months now. When he had arrived earlier that day, he had seen the large, bright red mark on his jaw. San had tried to cover it, foundation visible over it, but it wasn't enough to hide how painful it looked.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask about it." Wooyoung admitted, blowing out smoke.

Seonghwa stayed silent, listening to the other.

"A guy hitting another? Here? They don't give a shit about it," he spat "but I have evidence, it took me a few months to get solid proof but now, I have it. "

"So, it's true? And you already told them about it?" The raven-haired male questioned.

"Yeah, they said they wouldn't do a thing without evidence," he mumbled "apparently the guy knows a few important people. " He clarified.

Wooyoung threw his cigarette to the ground as he blew out the last of his inhaled smoke. He sniffled, turning to face Seonghwa with gentle eyes. A small smile appeared on his lips as he placed a hand on the taller's shoulder, squeezing slightly.

"I can see that you care about him too," he spoke "and I’m glad he'll have both of us to turn to once that bastard is finally locked away." He mumbled.

"He's going to need us, Seonghwa," he concluded, walking away "He's going to need you. "

-

The sweet scent of caramel invaded his realistic dream. Seonghwa was in a park, laying down on a blanket that had been placed on the grass. A body was pressed to his side, his lover's head was placed on his chest as they both looked up at the sky. It was warm and comfortable, it felt so foreign and at the same time it felt so common. When the older glanced down at the boy he was holding, a bright smile painted his lips. The smaller was falling asleep, he had a small pout on his lips and his hair was partially covering his pretty eyes. He looked beautiful and the older couldn't help but place a small kiss to the crown of his hair. The younger made a sound of approval before snuggling closer to him, wrapping his arms and legs around his boyfriend. Both of them ended up falling asleep under the clouds on that warm summer day.

The pleasant memory suddenly faded, leaving space for another. Seonghwa found himself standing in a hospital waiting room. He was shaking, there were tears rolling down his face as he waited for a doctor to arrive. He wasn't alone, his good friend Mingi wasn't far away, sitting on one of the chairs. They were in the exact same state, broken and mute as they waited for the dreadful news. Soon, the doctor came in, making his friend stand at the speed of light. The seemingly young surgeon wasn't smiling. He was stoic, his lips forming a thin line while his eyes held a mix of painful emotions- regret, sorrow, doubt, sadness and even fear. The said male met Seonghwa’s eyes before slowly drifting to Mingi's own. He took a small breath, lips parting as if he were about to speak. And what he said made the raven-haired male's knees give in, falling and hitting the floor with an audible, painful cry.

-

The biker's eyes snapped open, almost choking on his own breath as he abruptly sat up. He placed a hand over his heart, clutching onto his shirt with an iron grip. His mouth hung open as he tried to calm down, to control his breathing. With a bit of effort, he managed to regulate his oxygen flow. He leaned against the bedhead, breathing deeply as his eyes darted to the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was almost three in the morning. He decided that a cold shower would probably calm him down and was about to get up when his phone started to ring. He picked it up, frowning as he saw the caller id. Still, he brought the device closer to his ear.

"San? " He asked "Is everything okay?"

There was no response for a few seconds, the wait made the raven-haired male more anxious.

"S-Seonghwa…" A low voice suddenly called.

"San? What's wrong?" He tried again.

"…Help me. " The younger pleaded, voice breaking.

"Are you okay? Where are you? "

"I-I don't feel good, Hwa." San mumbled.

"San, tell me where you are!" The biker begged.

"A-At the bar, n-near the road."

"Don't move! I'll be there in five minutes! "

As soon as he had finished speaking, the line went dead. Seonghwa practically bolted out of his bed. He grabbed a pair of jeans, quickly pulling a shirt over his head as he hurried to his front door. He slid into his shoes, grabbing his jacket and his keys before exiting his appartement. San had seemed out of his mind and the biker didn't want to keep him waiting too long, especially if he was close to the road. When he made it out of the building, he noticed that it was raining. He didn't pay much attention to it as he started running in the direction of the bar.

He made it in four minutes.

Luckily, he quickly found the blond. He was curled up on himself, sitting on the cold and wet ground. He was hugging his knees, face pressed against them as if he were trying to hide. Seonghwa kneeled in front of him, hands hovering over the male, unsure if he should touch him or not. He didn't want to scare him but he didn't want him to get sick either- he was shaking. Thus, the biker placed a gentle hand on the other's arm. The bartender lifted his head up, revealing his tear-stained cheeks and his bloody nose. He let out a small whimper when Seonghwa cupped his cheeks, hoping to reassure the younger with his warmth. The raven-haired male noticed that his pupils were dilated, it seemed that he wasn't entirely responsive too. The taller took his jacket off, wrapping it around the trembling boy in hopes that it would calm him down. Before trying to move him, the older wanted to be sure of something he hoped was false.

"San, did you take something?" He asked.

"I-I d-didn't want to. . . "

the shorter shook his head violently as heavy tears continued to fall down his cheeks, sobs escaping his throat as he desperately tried to breathe.

"San, you need to breathe," the biker tried. "I’ll call an ambulance—"

"No! " he cried "I don't need it- just help me, please." The smaller pleaded with a shaky voice.

Something was messing with his head and whether it be drugs or something else, Seonghwa needed to make sure that he would be okay. He tried to pull san up, thinking that bringing him back to his place would be the first step in calming him down.

"No! No! Let go! " The younger yelled.

"San, it's me! " The older begged "It's Seonghwa! "

The bartender fully looked at him for the first time. And the next second, he grabbed onto the back of his shirt, pulling him in a tight embrace. The biker hugged him back as the blond cried in his shoulder, clinging onto him as if his life depended on it. Understanding that he wouldn't be letting go- and since it was still pouring- Seonghwa decided to carry him. He grabbed onto his thighs, trying to be as gentle as possible as he lifted him up and off of the ground. San pressed his face in the crook of his neck, clinging tighter as the male walked them back to his appartement in a rushed manner.

Upon reaching it, San had started to become limp in his arms. He whispered something about feeling sick against the older's skin and the biker didn't even hesitate as he took him to the bathroom. A minute later and he was hunched over the toilet, throwing up the contents of his stomach. The male stayed by his side, caressing his soaked hair and back, hoping that it would ease the younger. When he was sure that San would be okay for a few minutes, Seonghwa stepped out of the bathroom. He headed to his kitchen first, grabbing a water bottle. Then, he rushed to his room to grab clean and dry clothes which might fit the bartender.

When he walked back into the bathroom, san was found leaning against the wall, eyes half-closed. The older flushed the toilet before sitting down in front of the other. He helped him out of his wet clothes, scanning his body for more injuries as he did so. He let the male keep his underwear before pulling a large green hoodie over his head as well as a pair of black sweatpants. Then, he helped him rinse the acid taste out of his mouth. He guided the younger in sipping a bit of water before spitting it out again. He instructed him to drink normally afterwards, hoping that it would calm his upset stomach.

"You can sleep, I’ll take care of you. "

Seonghwa gently whispered after taking the younger back to his bedroom. He tucked san into his own bed, pulling the covers over his body. The blond was out in an instant, leaving the older some time to grab his medical kit as well as another pair of clothes for himself. As he changed, he fully became aware of what was going on.

And to say he was worried was an understatement.

It was three in the morning; he had no idea what had happened. He had no idea why san was bloody and bruised, why he had thrown up or why he had called him. The one thing he was sure about was that he had trusted him to find and take care of him. And that's exactly what he was going to do. So, after grabbing everything that he needed, he settled on the bed next to the sleeping male. He had eyed his chest and legs while he had undressed him earlier- he hadn't seen any potentially-lethal or vibrant bruises, but the ones he had seen were all slowly fading. Seonghwa cleaned his bloody nose, applied ointments to the small bruises on his wrists and wrapped a bandage around his bloody knuckle.

Once he was done, it was almost four o'clock. He debated whether or not to stay by San's side or to simply go sleep on the couch. But as soon as he did, horrible thoughts filled his mind. He decided to stay by his side, in case he woke up or felt sick again, it was the best option for now. The blond would mostly be disoriented too, so seeing a familiar face would probably be the best. Thus, Seonghwa moved to the free side of the bed. He slipped under the covers, turning until he was laying on his side. He was facing the younger's sleeping frame, wondering if dean was the reason behind this. He hoped that san sleep well, considering the state he was in. The older didn't want to give him medicine until he woke up, since he had no idea if he had taken alcohol or unknown drugs before being found. He also hoped to find out more in the morning.

Needless to say, Seonghwa got little sleep. After thirty minutes of simply dozing off, he had heard san whimper in his sleep. He moved closer to him, only to realize that small tears were falling from the corners of his eyes. As gently as he could, the biker placed a hand on his forehead, noticing that it was a bit too warm. He suspected that san had caught a cold- who knew how long he had waited outside, under the rain. Thus, the raven-haired male stood, grabbed a wet cloth from his bathroom before settling closer to the sleeping male. He stayed by his side the whole night, shushing him when his crying or his breathing picked up some speed. The lukewarm cloth was pressed against his forehead a few times too, hoping that it would reduce the growing fever.

Seonghwa truly hoped that san would be okay.

-

When he woke up, San's mind was a mix of foggy images and blurry memories. He could remember the running, soon followed by the rain and the cold. His entire body shivered at the mere thought of it. Out of reflex, he pulled the covers higher, until they almost covered his head. He took a shaky breath, inhaling through his nose as he mentally prepared himself to face dean again. Only, the smell of the bedsheets was different. And when he opened his eyes the slightest, he noticed that the color wasn't the same either. He held his breath for a second, pulling the covers down so that he could peak at his surroundings. And sure enough, he wasn't in his appartement. Before a wave of panic could hit him, he spotted another body next to him. He recognized him instantly as a sudden feeling of comfort and reassurance enveloped his whole figure.

Seonghwa was by his side and he was still sleeping soundly. The bright rays of light that invaded his bedroom didn't seem to bother him at all and san wondered if he had stayed up all night because of him. Yet, the blond couldn't help but notice how peaceful he looked while asleep. The sun made his already-stunning features stand out even more than they usually did. His messy raven hair gave him a rather cute and adoring aura, the younger couldn't help but smile. San continued to gaze at him for a while, not even looking away when the biker started to stir due to a dazzling ray of sun hitting his eyes. And when he finally woke up, their gazes instantly met. They stayed silent for a while, simply staring, admiring one another in peace.

"Hi. "

"Hi… " San replied, voice a bit hoarse.

"How are you feeling? " The older softly asked.

"Cold," he mumbled, sniffling.

"You were soaked from head to toe when I found you," Seonghwa explained "Sick, too."

San hummed, the memories of what had happened last night started to become clearer.

"Maybe a hot shower will warm you up," the biker suggested "I’ll make us breakfast if you think you can manage alone, I’ll help you if you need me to. "

With slightly wobbly legs, the younger managed to stand and to walk around on his own. The warm shower did help a lot. Once his body was heated up again, he felt less nauseous than before. Alone in the bathroom, he traced his fingers over the bruises on his wrist, heavy thoughts invading his mind. He was extremely grateful for what the older had done, he had helped him without questioning anything. But he knew that he was going to have to explain himself at one point. It was evident that Seonghwa cared and that he wouldn't be letting him off the hook that easily. Still, he was immensely grateful.

The raven-haired male had made some toast as well as some ginger tea- a good remedy for nausea. The sweet taste of cherry jam and butter that covered the triangular-shaped pieces of bread made the blond's tastebuds react approvingly. The mixture of flavors tasted good. The jam made him remember a moment in his childhood. There was a cherry tree in their garden, him and his mother would always collect the bright red fruit. They would either eat them on their own or make cakes and jams. It made the male feel nostalgic and he made a mental note to contact his parents once he felt strong enough to tell them the whole truth. A heavy silence reigned over the room; words seemed to be looked for by both men. The subject needed to be brought up some way or another, even if it was difficult.

"I won't push you, San. " Seonghwa started.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I won't force you to." He clarified.

The younger looked up, meeting the other's eyes.

"Wooyoung called while you were showering," he continued "Dean was arrested." He admitted.

Hearing those simple words felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of san's shoulders. The male who had controlled him for years wouldn't be able to do so any longer. The younger let out a shaky breath, his head dropping slightly as he took in the true meaning of those words. He was free to do as he wished. That also meant he could speak up, that he could tell someone about what had happened without fearing the consequences of dean learning about it. He could do anything he wanted; he could tell Seonghwa. For once, he could seek comfort.

"Last night," San carefully mumbled "He wanted to try something new. . . And I refused."

"He has _this drug_ , he used it before, when I was too tired and that I didn't want to have sex."

"He raped you." Seonghwa couldn't hold back the anger and the disgust in his tone.

The blond stayed silent for a while before speaking up again, tears pooling in his broken eyes.

"I was high, that's why I was acting like a freak."

"You're not a freak, San."

A few tears escaped the younger's eyes, rolling down his cheeks quickly. The older moved closer, placing a hand on his back, rubbing it gently. Soon, he was leaning forward until his head was resting against the taller's chest. Seonghwa held him close, placing his other hand in San's hair, caressing it softly. And the blond let him as he lifted his own arms up, wrapping them around the other's waist.

-

IT had been three days since the incident and san was still in Seonghwa's appartement. He had called his best friend a few times, Wooyoung had handled the whole situation from beginning to end. By the same occasion, both of them had insisted on the fact that he should stay with someone for a while. And the biker was more than happy to provide his own space for the younger. It was comfortable here, they both shared the only bed, keeping a small distance in between them. They shared meals and conversations. They simply got to know each other a bit more. It just felt so relieving, to speak to him so casually- and the older never judged him.

"I feel safe here, Woo." He had said "I haven't felt safe in a long time."

And of course, he understood. It was the middle of the afternoon, san was sitting on the couch, a random movie was playing on the tv. A few books were stocked under the small table which was in front of him. One of them in particular was rather eye-catching. Curiosity took over the younger as he reached for it, caressing the hard cover. He flipped through the pages, noticing that there were drawings inside. A small smile made his dimples pop out as he carefully looked at a few of them. He wasn't aware that Seonghwa drew, or maybe, someone else had drawn them for him. At the end of the book, he found a picture.

Two boys were on it, both of them were smiling so widely that it made san do the same. He recognized one of them, a younger-looking Seonghwa, his hair was messier than he had ever seen. The other male had bright red hair; his eyes shined as he glanced at the known male on the picture. Turning it around, in search of a date or a name, he spotted a few handwritten words. _Allow yourself to be happy and remember that I love you._ Followed by those words, a small group of hearts were drawn.

"His name was Hongjoong."

A voice suddenly spoke, making san flinch slightly. Seonghwa took a seat next to him, a sad smile on his lips as he eyed the photo.

"He was my boyfriend," he continued "We had been dating since high school, four years of happiness."

By the tone of his voice, realization hit the blond. He felt like he had invaded the older's space or like he had discovered a heartbreaking secret. The use of the past tense made him even more scared of what he had discovered. Instantly, san placed a hand on the other's forearm. He didn't have to continue, it was too private, he understood. Yet, Seonghwa did the exact opposite. He placed a hand on the blond's own, squeezing it slightly before speaking again.

"He was with a mutual friend that night, they were on their way to a restaurant, we had planned a double date." He smiled at the warm memory.

"There was an accident, a drunk driver. "

A muffled gasp escaped San's lips as tears started to fill the raven-haired male's eyes. The younger grabbed his hand in both of his own, holding it.

"Yunho survived…with consequences, he can't use his legs anymore. But Hongjoong… "

The blond's heart started to beat faster.

"…He didn't make it. "

Trails of tears had started to spill down his cheeks. As much as he tried to hold them back, san's own cheeks soon became damp. Seonghwa took a deep breath as he squeezed the other's hand.

"That's why I moved here," he continued "I though that moving would make it hurt less but, it didn't. I still miss him and it still hurts, even after a year. "

"No matter how hard I try to forget, he's always in my head," he tensed "I know that he wants me to move on but. . . It's just so hard. " he sobbed.

The older broke down, barely able to hold himself together as san pulled him closer. He let him cry in his shoulder, just like he had done a few days ago for him. The younger rubbed his back, fingers threading through his thick hair in an attempt to comfort him. But san didn't know grief. He had never lost someone that he loved. He could only imagine what Seonghwa was feeling at the moment. Instead, he tried to be there for him. He shushed him and even placed a kiss in his hair, holding him tightly as the other sobbed. They stayed in the same position for a good amount of time, both of them refusing to pull back until they were both calmed down. And san remained silent, letting the taller cry because it seemed like he had been holding it all in for a while now. Once he had quietened down a bit, he tried something he had seen his mother do when his father had lost a close friend.

"Can you tell me about him? "

Remembering cherished moments with loved ones, making sure that they would be known for who they were and not for their death. It seemed the message Hongjoong had given him still resonated in Seonghwa's mind. _Allow yourself to be happy._

"Oh, _he lived_. He made every moment count and he was just so, _so loving_. " He explained. "He was far too good for this world, too bright and too thoughtful. "

"He drew exceptionally well."

"He wanted to be an artist."

"We had a few paint battles."

"He loved the smell of caramel."

"He loved me."

"I loved him."

"We loved each other."

Thus, Seonghwa told him about his lover and san listened. And it felt so good to have someone like that, to do something like this. The older told him everything that Hongjoong was and would always be in his heart and mind. By the end of it, the blond felt like he had met him, like he knew him.

-

After a full week went by, san decided that it was time to stop by his appartement. The events that had taken place there weren't ones that he wished to remember, hence why he had decided to move out. Both Wooyoung and Seonghwa, as well as Yeosang, helped him pack his belongings. They were a great moral support too and the blond was glad that he wasn't alone. Yet, there was still one small problem that they had to take care of. Since he didn't work as a bartender anymore, meaning that he had no stable job, finding a living space would be complicated. His best friend was ready to take him in, saying that they could work things out. But since he already lived with his boyfriend, they hardly had enough space for another person. Thus, Seonghwa suggested that san stayed with him a little longer. They were both fine with sharing the bed and the constant company was beneficial for both of them. All in all, they couldn't be happier.

The biker made room for san, tidying his personal possessions in order to allow him to have his own space. He didn't want the younger to feel confined or overwhelmed. He wanted to make the blond feel at home and at peace with himself. The news about dean's sentence and the fact that he would be locked up in a prison far away from this small town had considerably reassured him. Now, all he wanted was to start fresh and to move on. He didn't want to live in the constant fear of his ex-boyfriend ever coming back for him. Despite that, it was easier said than done, and san still had a few nightmares from time to time. Luckily, Seonghwa was there to calm him down each time. They ended up getting closer as well, small and reassuring touches soon turned into warm cuddle sessions.

After almost a month of living under the same roof, it was clear that they both enjoyed being together. The more hugs they shared and the more it seemed that it wasn't always in a platonic and chaste way. San couldn't help but stare a bit too long each time Seonghwa came home from work. The older was a mechanic in a small garage a few streets away. Needless to say, that the leather jacket, the oil and the grease on his hands, his jet-black Harley-Davidson and his sweaty shirt made him incredibly hot. What he didn't know was that the other was also attracted to him. The blond had found a job at the local library and strangely, the overall quiet atmosphere had played on his attitude as well. He wore less dull colors and now owned a variety of fluffy and soft sweaters. Seonghwa found it incredibly cute and endearing. He too, stared at san a bit longer than necessary whenever he could.

-

"I’m home. "

The words broke the blond out of his daydream. He tilted his head to the side, spotting the older male making his way towards him. He leaned on the couch, eyeing the book in San's hands with interest.

"What are you reading? " He asked.

"Romeo and Juliet," he shyly admitted "I’ve never taken the time to read it fully."

A fond smile appeared on the older's lips, he ruffled san's hair before heading towards the kitchen.

"I’ll take a quick shower and then I’ll go back out to buy something for dinner. " Seonghwa called.

"I ordered pizza twenty minutes ago." The blond calmly replied without looking back.

"Did—"

"It's already paid and yes I already picked a movie. " The younger added, proud of himself.

The librarian knew how exhausted the other usually was when he came home from work. Tonight, he decided to take care of everything. He didn't want the raven-haired male to overwork himself, nor did he want to always be taken care of. After everything he had done for him, it was his turn to take care of the older now. Hearing no response from the said male, san turned his head to the side. He was taken aback when a soft pair of lips landed on his cheek before he could even speak up. He felt his face heat up as Seonghwa mumbled a gentle thank you against his skin, walking away a second later.

Small actions like these made san's heart flutter. And they certainly didn't calm the mess in his head. He took a deep breath to control himself, to suppress the urge to just stand up and finally kiss the older. The teasing and the flirting had been going on for quite a while now but, san wasn't sure if the biker felt the same way and he didn't want to ruin everything simply because he was _eager_.

Once the pizza arrived, the younger placed the box on the kitchen counter. His stomach rumbled at the delicious-looking food. Thus, he reached for a slice, taking a bite and letting out a sigh of content.

"Starting without me? "

San watched as the biker walked into the kitchen, his hair still damp from the shower. The older grabbed a slice for himself, smiling as he leaned on the counter next to his roommate. After tasting it, the male let out an incredibly exaggerated moan which almost made the blond choke. He coughed a few times, eyes watering a little as he reached for a water bottle, sending Seonghwa a deadly glare.

"I swear, Hwa." He cursed under his breath.

"What?" The older asked, chuckling.

"You know." San whined, rubbing his eyes.

"No, seriously." The raven-haired male continued, his voice turning softer "What is it?" He breathed.

The blond turned back around, scoffing as his eyes searched for a playful glint in the other's own. Yet, there was no amused smile or small smirk, instead, he found Seonghwa staring back at him with a fond and slightly confused expression. It seemed that the whole situation had taken a turn and upon seeing that the biker wasn't joking, San found himself unable to speak. Silence filled the kitchen as the taller took a few steps closer to the blond, bodies almost pressed together. Then, Seonghwa leaned closer, brushing their noses together before doing the same to his cheeks. San's eyes fluttered shut at the intimate gesture, his breathing intensifying by the second. Out of instinct, the younger reached for Seonghwa's collar, grabbing it with both hands to make sure that the older wouldn't walk away. The raven-haired male brought a hand up, resting it against san's jaw, tilting his head up the slightest.

"Will you kiss me?" He whined, panting slightly.

"Only if you want me to. "

"Please kiss me, Seonghwa. "

Even after receiving an invitation, it seemed that the older wasn't going to kiss him just yet, at least, not how he had imagined it. He took his time, cradling san's jaw with one hand while placing the other in the small of his back. And when the raven-haired male leaned down, he pressed his first kiss against the male's forehead. Then, slowly but surely, he started to pepper his skin with long yet soft kisses. The tip of his nose, both of his cheeks, his eyelids and a few of his barely-there freckles were all given the touch of a gentle pair of lips. And san could have cried at how gentle and careful the older was with him. No one had ever taken their time with the younger, not any of his hookup's or his one-night stands and certainly not dean. But Seonghwa took his time, he acted like they had all the time in the world. He acted as if san were precious to him.

So, when finally, the male decided that it was time to indulge him fully, he moved his hands upwards, cradling the younger's face. And when their lips met, a single tear rolled down san's cheek. The kiss wasn't perfect, the blond's own lips trembled as his emotions washed over him, crushing him. Luckily, Seonghwa took the lead by tilting the other's head just the right way, allowing himself to lick his way into san's mouth. When their tongues met, slowly tasting one another, the younger shuttered. His grip on the older's collar tightened as he pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around his neck as desire took over him. He could suddenly breathe again and he made sure to use it to his advantage. His lips moved quicker, his tongue licking at the taller's bottom lip, eager to taste more and more.

"Easy, Sannie. "

And it was as if Seonghwa _knew_ , as if he had always known just how eager san was to be touched, to be treated this way. But surely, the older felt the same eagerness. He hadn't been close to anyone in over a year, hadn't kissed anyone for that long too, hadn't felt this way ever since Hongjoong, his first and only love until san. Because yes, he truly did love him, had loved him ever since he had laid eyes on him at the bar. He had felt a sudden urge to protect him, to care for him since their first meeting.

Almost naturally, the duo moved to the bedroom. The pizza staying on the kitchen counter, long forgotten as a different kind of hunger overtook the both of them. Silently, they settled in bed, resting on their sides so that they could see each other. They shared a few more kisses, bodies molding together as hands wandered over and under their clothes. A shirt was soon removed, followed by a sweater and two pairs of sweatpants, boxers being the only piece of clothing left covering their skin. A field of faint red and pastel pink spots bloomed over the younger's chest, collarbones and neck. Seonghwa made sure to cover the two small scars that he spotted with gentle kisses as well.

"Please. . . " San had breathlessly whispered when the older's fingers started to trail lower.

They had been kissing and touching one another for a while now and the blond ached to feel more. Just a little more. Seonghwa gave him what he wanted, pulling his boxers down to reveal his body in its entirety. Feeling weak under the older's prideful gaze, san let himself fall back, hitting the mattress. The other scooted closer to him, still resting on his side in order to focus entirely on the male below him. More kisses were placed on his skin as the biker's long fingers circled san's aching member.

"Hwa…"

He got the message, slowly moving his hand up and down in a steady rhythm all while nipping at san's sensitive and warm skin. The younger moved his hips up, trying to control the pace but Seonghwa wouldn't let him. Instead, the older quickened his movements, making the other's breath hitch and pulling needy moans out of him. And when he moved lower on the bed, settling between san's thighs, the blond lost himself to the pleasure, eyes fluttering shut. With how worked up he already was, it wouldn't take long for him to reach his peak. He used his tongue admirably well, tasting every bit of the younger before taking him as far as he could. He repeated the action a few times, teasingly suckling the tip of his length before taking him in fully. Soon enough, the younger's breathing became labored and a sweet series of high moans left his lips as he finally reached his limit, coming undone.

Seonghwa licked him clean, making him whine in his sensitive and blissful state. The biker settled next to him again, placing a kiss on his shoulder and a hand on the blond's stomach. But once san managed to catch his breath, he turned to his side, placing a kiss on Seonghwa's lips before moving towards the end of the bed. The older lifted his head out of curiosity only to realize that the male wanted to return the favor. Although seeing san like that was a glorious sight, he didn't want to force him.

"San, you don't have to." He assured the male.

"But I want to." He earnestly replied.

Of course, there wasn't anything Seonghwa could say against that, so he simply laid back and let the younger do as he wished. In the end, he was glad he did so because he hadn't felt this kind of pleasure in a long time. As San worked his mouth over him, time seemed to slow down and it allowed the biker to realize what this all meant. They would both remember this very moment for eternity. They had found love again, found someone who truly cared in that way. And after cleaning themselves, limbs now entangled together, San's head safely tucked under the older's chin, epiphany revealed itself.

It wasn't an illusion; their love was real.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, if you did, don't hesitate to tell me in the comments.
> 
> And if you all want to be friends, my twitter is @mingtothehao
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Bye, Ori.


End file.
